Of course it’s not too late to buy me a Christmas present! In fact, I’m happy to receive presents at all times of the year

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I love cooking. In fact, I love cooking so much that in those weak moments where I have thought all this higher education I’m going through was not worth it, I’ve seriously considered going to either culinary of pastry school. My friends can attest to my love of cooking, too. There’s the ridiculous amount of cookies I make each year (see these posts), the fancy dinner parties with two appetizers, two entrees, four sides AND dessert, and the weekly dinner I cook for friends to eat while watching House and reruns of The Office.

Anywho, one of the best parts of cooking is getting to use knives. Another dream of mine is to run away to the circus and become a knife thrower, or a knife-throwing trapeze artist, or something fun like that. My friend Matt bought me a beautiful 7-inch Furi East/West granton-edge knife a few years back, and I think I love that knife more than anything except my teddy bear. I love chopping up garlic and onions, dicing tomatoes, slicing peppers and meats… Ah, even thinking about it relaxes me.

But alas, that is just one knife. And while I do have others, they rest in a boring wood block. I need some excitement for my knives, a way to take out frustration at the men who have caused me grief. I need this! This beautiful knife holder known as “The Ex,” allows me to stab boys through the heart whenever I go into a rage. This would make my kitchen – and me – much happier. So buy me this for Christmas friends. In fact, I think one of those lovely men who caused me past grief should buy it for me as it is a just dessert.

There I go getting all bitter again. Stupid holidays. (But I still want the knife stand.)

It’s cookie time!

For those who know me well, I’m heading up to Baltimore tonight to begin the (only) Vitak family tradition of a four-day marathon cookie baking. I’ll be up there until at least Sunday evening, baking from dawn into the night (or something like that), feverishly working to churn out 3000 of the most scrumptious cookies you have ever eaten.

Because my parents are stuck in the Ice Age, this means I won’t have much (if any) Internet access through the weekend. If you really need to reach me, phone is the best way. And if you don’t know my cell number, then I suppose you’re not a person I want to talk to. 🙂

Anyway, if you’re in the area, swing by and enjoy some cookie goodness. Otherwise, find me next week, as I’m sure I’ll have cookies on me at all times.

Picture of the day: 99 stuffed octopi hanging on a Christmas tree/99 big stuffed octopi/you take one down and fry it up for lunch/98 stuffed octopi hanging on a Christmas tree

octopi-tree.jpg Here’s an image of a Christmas tree with 99 stuffed octopi (the plural of octopus dummy) gracing its many branches. Why octopi, you ask? Well, it appears that a crazy grandma out there liked the pattern so much that she wanted to duplicate it en masse. Why 99, you ask? Well, apparently this crazy grandma has 99 GRANDCHILDREN!!

WTF, I ask? I mean, 99 grandchildren? Either your family is 1) possessed of the most super sperm ever, 2) Catholics who have taken the Bible’s reading of sex too seriously (procreate! procreate! yaaay, procreate!), or 3) you are suffering from a significant delusional disorder where you multiply everything by 9 (or 11…or 3 I guess. Damn multiples.).

I can’t even begin to imagine what family gatherings are like. And what about when these 99 grandchildren get married and their guest list automatically goes up by 500 people because of their RIDICULOUSLY LARGE, GARGANTUAN SIZED FAMILY. Poor things.

At least the octopi are cute.

[Thanks, Boing Boing!]

It’s time to buy me some presents people!

**UPDATE** Ok, screw the red version. I just found a black 160 GB on Buy.com for $70!! I couldn’t say no. Sorry boys, you’ll just have to shower me with diamonds and Lexuses this Christmas.

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Our friends at Engadget have come out with their yearly gift guides for him and for her. And since I know at least one person reading this blog is uber-rich and wants to buy me a kick-ass Christmas present, I’d like to offer you a beautiful option from their holiday guide.

Behold, the WD Passport, a 250GB portable hard drive in five different colors! (I want the red one por favor).

WD Passport

So I humbly beg my audience to consider purchasing this for me this upcoming holiday season, as my 3 1/2-year-old G5 has reached capacity and I need someplace to move a large amount of files. Yes, I know I c0uld just go out to Best Buy and purchase myself some ugly, lame external hard drive on my own, but it wouldn’t be nearly as colorful – or as portable – as the Passport.So buy away my friends, and I will pay you back in cookies and my eternal love…or maybe just cookies.

This Thanksgiving, I give thanks for “the internets” … damn, how lame am I?

Mashable, one of my favorite blogs, posted the following poll yesterday:

How much time will you spend online tomorrow?

  • None you sick bastards
  • I might check my email
  • I’ll probably be on for a few hours
  • Tomorrow is a holiday?

Now, those who know me well know I am not one for holidays. I inherited my grandmother’s bah humbug attitude toward most holidays, and Thanksgiving is right up there. Maybe it’s because I have such a small family so it just seems like any other family dinner. (Or maybe it’s that the true spirit of Thanksgiving has been lost in the food orgy, subsequent food coma, and the shopping insanity known as black Friday. Man, I’m a cynic.)

But why did I feel just the tiniest bit guilty when I immediately thought to myself that of course I’ll be online for a few hours today. I’m always online for at least a few days, unless I’m traveling. Maybe I should ship myself off to South Korea for a little boot camp action. Yeah right. I’d terrify those poor little Korean teenage boys. Well then, maybe I will go.

Happy Turkey Day people. Happy frickin’ Turkey Day.