Thanks to haha.nu for posting this love letter that is obviously being sent to me.
To answer my new boyfriend’s questions:
1) It is never too early to start holding hands, as long as you keep your eyes on my face. And as long as you don’t have a sweat problem. I can’t stand it when people sweat on my hands. That is unforgivable.
2) If by the “honey point” you are referring to the point where I can cover you in honey and leave you hanging from a tree outside on a hot summer day to see what kinds of fun insects you collect, then yes, we’ve reached that point. Otherwise, I’m not sure what you’re talking about.
3) Oh no, you’re not rushing me at all. In fact, I think you’re going a little slow. To make up for that though, you can shower me in gifts such as new cars, diamond jewelry for me to sell on eBay, a new computer and anything else that has a high resell value.
And in reference to your final statement my dear, dear Jonathan, I’d like to ease your concerns about not having a lot of girlfriends. I’ll be the best teacher you ever had, especially if you remember that the safety word is “banana.”
I love electronic music. I remember the first techno CD I bought at the tender age of 14 — Messiah’s “21st Century Jesus” — and I would listen to it on repeat constantly. Well, that and Sarah McLachlan’s “Fumbling Toward Ecstasy” — and yes, I realize that’s a very strange combination, but, hey, I was a strange kid.
I feel that I must constantly defend my love of techno. People just don’t understand its musical contribution or how anyone can listen to such repetitive beats. No matter what I say, I can’t convince the vast majority of my friends to give techno a chance. So when I saw this xkcd.com comic strip this week, I had a good laugh, as it quite accurately summarizes the problem I encounter when talking to a friend about techno.
Living in DC, the Homeland Security security threat level is always present in some form. People living here don’t seem to have any concern for the fact that we’ve had a heightened threat level for most of our lives, which makes me wonder if we’d even notice if something really bad actually happened.
Anyway, the standard color-coded threat level scale is harsh, mainly primary colors. Red is bad, blue is good. So boring! With spring in the air and cherry blossoms a-blooming, the folks over at Wired decided the scale needed a spring cleaning, and I completely agree. So without further ado, I give you the new and improved Homeland Security Threat Level Scale!
My favorite is definitely the Snorkel Azure, although Rococco is a close second. I’m sending emails to Homeland Security to suggest they post scratch-and-sniff versions on all Metro trains and buses.
Kids are often bad. They need discipline in their lives. But discipline usually isn’t very fun. Certainly not as fun as say, COLORING! But discipline needs to be instilled in children, and from an early age, if it is to be successful. What a conundrum for parents.
Thanks to a new coloring book, this confusion is history!
The Torture Device Coloring Book offers the best of both worlds: (1) pictures that need coloring and (2) images to scare the living crap out of your children so much that they will never act up again.
The lessons start from the first page which warns children that they “will be punished” if they don’t stay within the lines. Maybe the Republican party should adopt this book to train children to follow their ways. Hmm…
The book has 20 images of various torture devices, each accompanied by a witty little poem. Here’s one of my favorites:
Scratch your back / Scratch your side / Scratch until / You see inside.
So buy it today for the low, low price of just $3.44 (download) or $8.85 (paperback) and start cracking the whip over your children’s heads!
[Thanks Boing Boing!]
[Thanks to the ever-awesome xkcd!]
First I found my dream wedding cake (that is if I ever actually got married – ha!). Then I discovered how to make “8-bit cookies” like Tetris boards (see my blog post from last month). And now, well, I only have one word for my latest discovery: W-O-W.
As you may know, I am an avid baker, even going so far as to contemplate a career if I hadn’t decided to sink my life savings into adding a “Dr.” to my name (I mean, really though, who doesn’t want to be called Doctor? And Dr. Vitak has such a fabulous ring to it.).
Well, all these delicious baked good based off Nintendo games I keep finding online could give me that push I need to change careers. Well, not really, but I do want to try to make these cupcakes. It actually wouldn’t be too difficult — more time-consuming than anything else. Maybe in four months or so, when I actually have a minute of free time, I’ll give them a whirl.
[Thanks Boing Boing!]
So mashups. Usually, this involves taking two complementary items, whether it is software or music, and squishing them together to form a new item. For example, as I mentioned yesterday, Google Maps and Twitter mashed up for Super Tuesday. Pretty cool, eh?
Sometimes, however, mashups can occur between two completely unrelated items. This usually doesn’t work out. Peanut butter and dog food, for example, do not equal a delicious mashup. Here I present you with one of the few examples I have ever come across that successfully mashes two unrelated items so well that the person decided to ink it on his/her respective body FOREVER.
Hello Kitty, meet Darth Vader:
Now the only question that remains is what to call this adorable little death-bringer. Hello Vader? Darth Kitty? Decisions decisions.