Does anyone have any Qualudes? I think this LOTR fan needs a few dozen or so

New Line Films, the makers of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and Peter Jackson, the hobbit-looking director of those films, have finally settled their financial bickerings, a mere four years after the third film was released. So now we can finally all breathe a sigh of relief as plans to turn the prequel to LOTR, The Hobbit, into another big-screen success, right?

Well, kind of. New Line, who must apparently think Jackson is the devil to start such a ridiculous fight with him (I mean, the trilogy grossed more than $3 BILLION at the box office. Come on people!), does not want Jackson directing The Hobbit films. And yes, I said films (the plural of film) because apparently they’re making two films, not one, to cover the breadth and depth of The Hobbit (or, more likely, they’re just seeing twice the profits from two films). Actually, the second of the two movies is envisioned to cover the 80-year gap between when The Hobbit occurs (during Bilbo Baggins’ youth) and when the LOTR began (when, if I remember correctly, Bilbo is celebrating his 111th birthday). Don’t worry your pretty little heads though, as Jackson (and his wife, who was also involved in LOTR) will serve as executive producers, aka the iron grip, for the films.

Anyway, the funniest thing I pulled out of this article I was reading about this story was comments regarding LOTR fans who had demanded Jackson be involved, and were excited when the announcement was made about him directing. I can just imagine masses of 20-something guys foaming at the mouth as they angrily posted on message boards late into the night.

Here’s what one such fan said:

“Fist in the Air! YEEEEESSSSS!!! … “TRUST PETER!!! THE MASTER, THE COMMANDER, THE WIZARD!”

I love that he actually says “fist in the air” to give me a visual cue as to just how excited he is. And if that wasn’t enough, I have four extra “e”s and four extra “s”s to convince me of his sincerity. Then I get a little confused with the Master and Commander reference, as I thought that was Russell Crow, followed by a comment calling him a wizard, which in my mind means Harry Potter or Ian McKellen. But even with that confusion, I still think this kid wet himself just a bit while typing this.

pjclock.jpg

Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy to see these movies made and I’m happy Jackson will be involved, but these kids should probably get out to see sunlight more often than the handful of times each decade that he makes a movie. I’m also happy that seeing Peter Jackson’s head on a clock will always make me smile, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to buy one anytime soon!

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